Thinking Out Loud: New Year's Resolution? How 'bout No.

"Why write a New Year's Resolution?"

A few days ago I posted on Facebook that instead of having a new year's resolution for 2014, i'd have a set of goals to accomplish in 2014 instead. So below I listed 10 of my goals for 2014. I have much more than ten goals for the upcoming year though, but I only listed ten of them because (1) some of them are just really small and minor goals, (2) some of those goals can fit under any of the 10 I listed, and (3) some of those goals are really personal and I rather keep those to myself.

Finally, I'd include a piece of commentary after each goal. Just because.

Here are 10 of my goals for 2014, in no particular order.

[] Begin with my graduate studies.
    -This is a MUST. Honestly, I want to start with this as early as possible. I already spent an additional two years in college. Not that I think those are wasted years, it's just that, I feel like I'm being left behind. If I want to have a good position by the time I am 30, then taking post-graduate studies must be done ASAP.

[] Climb up to the peek of Mt. Tarak (without incurring sprains or cramps)
    -So I though I was fit eh? Nope. That mountain slapped me across the face and nearly took my life (for real). But I ain't backing down. I need to get my self in shape, or rather in better shape. I shall conquer you Tarak, and I shall do it standing up. 

[] Maintain a weight that is not significantly above 170 lbs and not below 165 lbs.
    -Part of the getting in better shape. Actually, if I'm around 175 lbs, i'm still on normal weight. But I guess a lot of those are fat. Time to burn those fat and turn it into muscle mass! Challenge Accepted!

[] Learn at least one new skill.
    -Learning never stops. I want to learn one new thing this coming year, rather, I should learn one new thing. It could be learning to play a musical instrument, or something even more complex, or more simple. The thing is to learn something new.

[] Improve on at least one current skill.
    -Acquiring new skills is not enough. One should also improve on those skills that one already has. We wouldn't want to be a Jack of All Trades, Master of None, right? 

[] Restart my collections of caps and GunPlaMo (Gundam Plastic Models).
   -Now that I have a job, it would be easier to continue these collections. But I can't go all out. Why? You'll find out in a bit.

[] Save enough to buy a new camera, and a PS4.
   -I've long wanted to have a DSLR camera, so this is something that I want to buy for myself. As for the Playstation 4, I'm not sure If i'll buy it on my own or my brother would help me out with it, but we are really targeting to have a PS4 by around the middle of 2014.

[] Save at least P100,000.00 by the end of 2014.
   -This one is for the future. As early as now, I want to start saving for my future family (I would have one, right? right guys? guys...?)

[] Learn more about investing in the stock market.
   -Again, one for the future. And no, this doesn't count under the "Learn a new skill" goal. My dad has always asked me to learn more about the stock market, and that investing in it could be a better decision than just putting your money in the bank. So in relation to preparing for my future, and my family, I ought to learn about this. Hey, i've got nothing to lose.

[] Go to a place I have never been to before (outside of Region 3)
    -I am generally a stay-at-home guy. There would only be a handful of people in the world that can get me to go to places with them. That being said, I like to explore more. So I'd like to go to somewhere far, and somewhere I've never been to before. 

L.C.A.- Going Super

"Why be super?"

So last Sunday I went on a mini-movie marathon, where I watched two superhero movies, namely, The Amazing Spiderman and The Dark Knight Rises. Have I told you that I love superhero movies? I always get hyped up after watching these kind of movies. It makes me feel like I can be a superhero too. And that's what this post would be about. "If you were a superhero, who would you be?"

I decided to narrow down my answers to three superheroes, which you would see after the jump. But before that, let me share another one of my favorite comic book heroes. None other than the Boy Wonder, Richard 'Dick' Grayson.

For those unfamiliar with him, this image might help:

Grayson was the original Robin, and he is my favorite among all those that have operated under the guise of Robin. Something about Dick Grayson just appeals to me. Most likely, it is how much his character has endured and evolved through the years, going from the sidekick Robin, into becoming a superhero himself as Nightwing, to eventually "fulfilling his destiny" and inheriting the cowl and being Batman (albeit he returns to becoming Nightwing again).

Okay then let's go on with the three superheroes I would like to be if given the chance!

From The Vault - Hey Daydreamer!

[author's note: This was written almost a year ago. But I decided to hold back posting this just to make sure if I still think the same way about this subject a year later. And since I do, here I am posting this.]

"Why is that your dream?"

What is your dream? Is it to be a doctor? Or maybe a lawyer? Perhaps to one day become an engineer? or be a stunning model, or roam the skies as a pilot?

Whatever your dream may be, have you ever thought why you have that dream? Maybe you already had. Maybe not. But in each and every case, we have our own reasons behind these dreams.

 But here's the catch. I feel like I don't have any of these dreams. I'm about to graduate in a few months, and some of batch mates have already talked about what they aim to do after graduating. A lot of them are thinking of pursuing law. Some have very specific goals, like to eventually enter the Department of Foreign Affairs or the Department of Education and end up with a high position in those said departments. Some of my other friends are going to pursue Medicine, while others are bound for other countries to either work or study more, all of those being part of what they dream to achieve.

Me? Wala! It's like all I want to do is to have a job after graduating, and I don't even have a specific agency or company that I wish to enter (to be fair, I do hope to enter the Presidential Management Staff). It's not like I don't have a plan for myself. I do. Maybe it is not just crystal clear at the moment, but I do. Nonetheless, it makes me feel like i'm inferior to the others. Others are on the road to becoming lawyers, or Secretary of the Department of Education. Me? I'm just hoping to land a job.

I've been thinking about this for weeks and weeks now, until it finally dawned on me. I do have a dream!

My dream is to have a great family, to be the husband my future wife dreams of, to be the father that my future kids would be very proud of, the husband and father that my parents molded me to be.

Cheesy much?

Okay, maybe some of you are saying right now "Hey! Lahat naman tayo gusto ng masayang pamilya!"

But the difference is (at least for me), for as long as I remember, that has been my dream. My actions have been towards aiming that goal. Some people would like to, say, be a lawyer first, THEN go towards that dream of a great family. So naturally, they'll prepare to be a lawyer first. They study to get good grades, get in to law school, and the like.

Me? I've been gearing myself towards being a great family guy. Everything I've been doing has been towards that goal. I'm learning how to do household chores, how to fix things at the house, how to cook, how to wash clothes and how to iron them. I've been budgeting, and saving money (and this is serious. For the past few years, as little as it may be, i've been saving up for things that I probably have to buy a decade later). I'm trying to learn how to take care of kids, how to make decisions, and to know how to prioritize. All those sort of things!

While I do prefer now to have a job here in Manila, I prefer to eventually end up having a job in Bataan, which is where I hope to settle down with my family. (Seriously, life in Bataan is awesome guys!). I'm planning to earn a Masters Degree since I need that to be promoted and earn a better pay. Plus, this goes hand-in-hand with my desire to serve the country in whatever way I could. The higher up I am, the more impact I could potentially have in helping the country.

All of these is for that dream. A dream of a simple, but very happy family. A family that takes away your stress once you get home. A family na kahit wala ng matira sa iyo, basta meron sila, okay lang. A family that will give sense to everything that you've been through. You might be saying that I'm still too young to be saying such things, that I should be enjoying my single life first. But maybe I already had enjoy my single life. Maybe, just maybe, since this is my dream, I'd even have a better time once I have achieved this dream. A great time unimaginable and incomparable to what I may have while I am a single guy.

That is my dream. The dream which potentially might be the reason why I am so critical of my love life ever since. Paano ka nga naman magkakaroon ng pamilya kung wala kang asawa? 
In addition to my dream of a great family, i'm dreaming of making my future girlfriend/wife the happiest girlfriend/wife that she could be.

I'd always look for new ways to make her smile and touch her heart. I'd write her letters and poems, each one containing a part of me. I would always believe in her, and make her feel how special and amazing she is, how she is my favorite person in the whole world. We'd go on adventures, both planned and unplanned, and make memories that we would last forever, or at least until our brain cells allow. I'd understand her, because I know she'll understand me too. We would not be perfect, it wouldn't be a perfect harmony at all times. There would be times that we might have misunderstanding, hard times, but the thing is I wouldn't let it take us down. I'd remember the little details about us, where we first met, the first food we shared together, the song playing in the background when we first went out of town. I'd be the man that'll make sure that she is happy. Sure, she may be happy with someone else, but she'll be most happy with me. And I have this feeling that it'll never easy. It's never easy. But that's fine by me. I'll fight for her. And that is coming from a man who doesn't just always fight for anything. I'll fight for her because I know she is someone worth fighting for. Because she would be someone whom I would feel I am destined to be together. Because in the end, it is not just about me really, it is about her.

That is my dream. My dream is her. My dream is our family.

Cheesy much?

L.C.A. Quotes from a HIMYM Episode.

Ted Mosby: I used to believe in destiny, you know? I go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week, and I think: "Wow... Hey, maybe she's the one?" Now I think: "I just know that bitch is going to take the last whole wheat everything bagel."

Robin Scherbatsky: You've just been focused on work.

Ted Mosby: No, it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not in some depressed I'm-gonna-cry-during-my-toast way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It's just, every day I think I... believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks. What do I about that, Scherbatsky?

Robin Scherbatsky: You're Ted Mosby. You start believing again.

Ted Mosby: In what? Destiny?

Robin Scherbatsky: Chemistry. You got chemistry, you only need one other thing.

Ted Mosby: What's that?

Robin Scherbatsky: Timing. But timing's a bitch.

- - - - - - -

"I know we didn't work out the first time. And I know it doesn't make any sense. But I can't shake the feeling that we belongs together. Is there any part of you that wants to try again?"

Shutter: Trekking at Tarak.

"Why do you continue to press on even if it painful?"

Yesterday, December 10, me and some of my officemates in the Authority of the Freeport Area of Bataan went trekking in Mount Tarak here in Mariveles. Enough words though, here are some pictures from that awesome adventure.

Our first stop at the King's Landing (and no, King Geoffrey wasn't there)

Moving through the tall grasses with out hands up in the air, kinda.

DA for Operations Eng'r EDP and Atty. PRO, enjoying every step.

Breathtaking sights.

Bookmark: Selfish Thy Me

Why would you want to be called selfish?

Among everything that I've written, this is probably one of my all time favorites. One of the best poems I've ever written. Enjoy! :)

Selfish Thy Me 

Would it make me a selfish person If I say

I want to be the reason for your smiles everyday 

The source of your happiness I would want to be

The one to take care of you, that would be me

I would be selfish as I want to be the one

That would always support you and be your greatest fan

The person that would walk you home at night

Be the guy that would stand for you and fight

Selfish it would make me as I would like to be

The one that greets good morning everyday to thee

The guy that cooks yummy foods to fill thy tummy

The man that'll bring you to places across the sea

Even if it makes me selfish i do not care

I'd want to make you laugh, to see you sad I just can't bare

I'd do my best just to make sure that you're not sad

Will always be here for you, this one and only lad.

Rewind: Squeeze Every Last Track.

Why do you press next?

It doesn't matter if you love music or not, you probably like at least one song. If you are a music lover though, you probably like more than just a few particular songs. You probably even have a large roster of artists and bands that you listen to. And being a music lover, I'd bet you could even identify which songs belong to which albums.

Still, even some of the most avid music lovers would say that not all the songs in a artists or bands album are worth listening to. There would at least be a track or two that just feels out of place. The black sheep among all the other tracks. Those songs that you wouldn't think twice of skipping.

Personally, being a big fan of OPM bands, I can attest to this. I'd buy an album of a band, put it in the player, and listen to it. First time through the album, i'll listen to each track. It is after all the first time i'm going to listen to some, if not most, of these songs. But after some time, I grow to like some tracks better, and just get to skip the rest of the songs. It just becomes a rule of some sort, you like some, you dislike some.

But there are instances where some albums prove to be the exception to the rule. This is what I, and my brother, refer to as albums na "walang patapon". An album where each and every track just proves to be a joy to listen to, where it feels like I'm doing a disservice if I skip even just one song in that album. Or simply, we could say that this albums are just better than most.

In this entry, i'll be listing albums of OPM bands that I personally consider as "walang patapon" albums. They're not listed in any particular order though. I'm just going to list them, and not rank them as to which is better than the others. I most likely would also miss albums that some of you might think should also be included. But then again, this is a personal list, so it greatly takes into consideration my preferences. Though I would gladly love to hear from you, dear reader, what albums you also consider a "walang patapon".

The list starts after the jump!

Rewind: One Liners

Bakit ba pag wala ka na, ako'y kulang, ako'y kulang?

That is a line from the Mayonnaise song, Bakit Part 2.

This entry probably is a cheap way to create an entry, but hey, it's my blog! (insert evil laugh here) *ehem*

So here is what I'll be doing. I got my player on shuffle, and then for each song, i'll write here one line that sticks the most to me. Just the line, no title, no artist, no album title. Just-the-line. So how long is one line? eh, probably as short or long as I want it to be. But it must just be one continuous line. I can't put two lines/parts/verses of a song and pass it off as one line. And how many songs? Meh, most likely until I feel sleepy. Again, it's my blog!

Anyway, better start doing this.

"..tuloy ang bida sa isipan ko'y ikaw."

"..one smile, then i'd die, only to be revived by you."

"..sana ako si Marvin, ikaw si Jolina"

"..I have been waiting for you all night under the glow of the satellite"

"Kailan ko masisilayan sa araw araw aking mahal.."

"..patungo sa pangakong paraiso"

"Pagdilat ikaw agad ang hinahanap sa umaga"

"At sabi mo malayo pang bukas tapos na ang kahapon ang mahalaga'y ngayon nandito ka ngayon.."

"There's only one thing on my mind, that's you and me."

"Think of me at the depth of your despair"

"Mga kulay ng mundo ay kumupas"

"Hear my thought in every note"

"Mga anak at bahay nating plinaplano"

"Nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na lalong mahulog sayo"

"Mahal na kita noong unang beses kong nakita.."

"Those three words.."

"..basta't may baon syang sariling buto.."

"..ninanais ko lang naman na maging ganap.."

"..ito ay alay ko sa'yo.."

An added bonus challenge! :) Can you guys identify from which songs these lines came from?

P.S. While doing this entry, I should probably do a list of my personal "walang tapon" OPM bands albums. Would most likely be fun to do. :)

Thinking Out Loud: 10-13-3

Why do you like someone?

Do you initially like them for how they look, or for what kind of person they are?

Do you believe in faith, destiny, and serendipity, or do you just think everything is just a big coincidence?

~

A lot of people kept telling me about this certain girl. That this girl is awesome. They tell me she's beautiful, but never had they managed to show me a picture of her. They didn't even described her. What they told me about her instead is more on the kind of person she is. They told me her name, and that she is one good person. That she is an intelligent person, and a graduate of a prestigious university. And some other things that I can't really remember. Bottom line, if you could get to like a person even before seeing a glimpse of them, this would be probably one of those cases. Not that I know a ton about the person they were talking about, but from what I have already heard, she sounds like one great woman.

I probably do like her. If not for one bit of detail.

I think I probably like another woman already.

See, I have this peculiar tendency to be loyal. I like the flavor of milk tea or ice cream that I first tasted. I tend to stay with the first group I am a part of in a particular stage of my life. I tend to only like one woman at a time.

So how would I get to like the woman I am being told about, if I probably like another woman? (Yeah, I tend to sometimes overthink this stuff.)

Funny thing is, I don't know a thing about this second girl. All I know is how she looks, as I've seen her plenty of times before. I don't even know her name! But what I do know is that I like how beautiful her hair is, how dazzling her eyes are, how charming her lips are, and how heart melting her smile is. When she speaks, it seems to have an enchanting and calming effect on me. She's just gorgeous and beautiful and pretty. And that may be an understatement.

Let's do a recap then shall we?

We have the first girl, whom I have no idea how she looks, at all, but I do have at least the smallest idea of what kind of person she is. I even know her name.

And then we have the second girl, who I get to see a lot, but I know nothing more about her. Not even her name.

Finally, we have me, yours truly, and my own sense of loyalty.

As funny (or sad, depending on how you look at things) as it is, I could never truly like either girl. I feel like I better have some sort of commitment (to myself) on who to like. So if you were in my place, who would you probably choose to like? The first or the second girl?

Luckily for me, I never had to make the choice.

They turned out to be the same girl.

:)

- - - - - - - - 

Playing in the Background:

Kama Supra - Eraserheads - Cutterpillow
"Bat di ka na lang sumama? Hihiga tayo at kakanta."

Hanggang Kailan - Orange and Lemons - Strike Whilst The Iron Is Hot
"Nakakabalisa, knock on wood wag naman sana"

One Hit Combo - Parokya ni Edgar feat. Gloc 9
"Si Kiko kay Gloc at ang Heads sa Parokya"

Akin Ka Na Lang - Itchyworms - Noon Time Show
"Di naman sa sinisiraan ko ang pangit na yan, wag ka dapat sakin magduda, hinding hindi kita pababayaan."

What A Catch, Donnie - Fall Out Boy
"I have troubled thoughts, and the self esteem to match, what a catch.."

From The Vault:

Bakit ka pa mag gi-girlfriend, kung magbre-break lang din kayo?

I wrote this six years ago, and due to that, the title of this article is long lost. Interesting to look back at how my mind worked six years ago. So many have changed, yet a lot are still the same.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It is no secret to anyone that I am a fool when it comes to love. It is also no surprise to anyone that I am single since birth. Not that I am complaining but still, I can’t escape questions from friends and families alike on why I am still single. I don’t know if this is normal or not, but, if ever I finally get to have a girlfriend, I want her to be the first and only girlfriend that I will ever have. I want her to be the one I would walk the aisle with. I want her to be the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But everyday knowledge would tell me otherwise.

Just think, how many married couples do you know would fit what is stated above? Personally, I don’t know of any. Plus we hear a lot of people say, “Masyado ka namang seryoso! enjoy mo lang”, or “Masyado ka pang bata”.

Now, that last statement is what I don’t understand the most. In my mind I am thinking, “Bakit ka pa mag gigirlfriend, kung maghihiwalay lang din pala kayo?” I mean, sure, the odds are that you would one day, face problems, deal with trials, and you and your girlfriend/boyfriend might not be able to sort things out and just decide to go on separate ways. BUT, shouldn’t that be some sort of warning? Getting in a relationship and facing problems, one should already be aware of that and be prepared about it. If you really love that person, then why give up? What is the sense of being in a relationship when you expect that it would end up in the two of you breaking up?

Some may say, “Akala ko kasi, ‘siya’ na.hindi pa pala”. Now, then my answer to that is, “Paano mo nalaman na hindi nga siya iyon?”

Just think of this situation; when someone comes into your life, and you love him/her, you would say “Siya na. Sa wakas dumating na ‘siya’”. But when the two of you break up, or hurt each other, more often than not, you would say “Hindi pa pala siya.”

You would say that over and over and over again, until you finally get married and finally say that your wife/husband is the one. But how sure can you be? Because you are together? Because you got married to each other? What if the two of you get divorced? Then he/she isn’t the one? How could you say that you have finally found him/her when you can so easily say that someone isn’t him/her just because things didn’t worked out? Don’t you think that that person could arrive in a less literal way? For that person to arrive to your life, it could be as simple as really loving that person, living your life with that person, understanding that person, coping up with his/her short comings, weathering the storm, suffering all the sufferings and still come out standing and smiling, and, just having trust and faith, not only to him/her, but also to Him.

Then again, people might say, “Bata ka pa, hindi mo pa alam sinasabi mo”, and I just won’t accept that. Sure, I never ever had a girlfriend before, but does that mean that I don’t have knowledge about those things? I never got into a relationship before, but I had experienced a lot of painful rejections, and each and every time, I learned something. Yes, I know that the odds are very small that your first and only girlfriend/boyfriend would be your partner for life. All the times that you would tell yourself, “Mahal ko pa ba siya?” and how many times you get to say yes, rather than say no, until the time that both of you would say the most significant ‘yes’ in your lives. Science, math, and the numbers are just all against me, but then again, science tells us that emotions are from the brain, and right they are, but why do people still insists on drawing hearts as a symbolism of love?

Maybe, just maybe, if a couple just really love each other, they might just beat the odds, and live happily ever after. But then again, I might just be saying this because I never had one. Still, when the time comes, I hope that what I had stated above would happen, and you can bet that I would do all I could to make it happen.

Thinking Out Loud: Proving Grounds

Why do you want to prove them wrong?

 It probably is a universal human experience; being doubted that is. I'm sure you all have experienced someone not believing in you. Someone thinking you could not achieve or do whatever it is that you aspire to do. Someone who does not have any faith in you doing anything, in you amounting to anything. And usually they end it with a condescending laugh.

..and they point at you. POINT AT YOU DAMN IT!

The usual response to such situations? Why of course we want to prove them wrong! Prove 'em all doubters wrong and make them eat there words. We do what we can, focus our time and energy and skills to achieve and do whatever we are told we cannot do. Can't pass the exam? Oh sure I can. You won't get accepted in the varsity team? The hell I would be! You can't achieve your dreams of being a big shot blogger with a three story home and a personal air conditioned bus? You can bet I can!

We would do almost absolutely anything just to make sure we can one day achieve what they have deemed as impossible, and for us to shove it, implicitly or otherwise, it to their faces. All the while our inner selves are applauding ourselves for an excellent job.

Are you sensing a trend here?

But what if I tell you that i've been thinking about this the past few days (yes of course you've been, jeez) and I came up with something. Here me out here now. How about, instead of proving your doubters wrong, you instead prove your believers correct?

Now don't give me that face. I know it sounds like the exact same thing just viewed in a different light. But that exactly is what I was going for. A change in the way you view things could, and would, have a very significant difference. I'm also not saying that those two are mutually exclusive. Others might be saying right now "Well duh, ofcourse when you prove your doubters wrong, you are proving your believers correct at the same time. It ain't rocket science dude!", to which I respectfully disagree. There IS a difference. Let me expound on this.

You know I just have to put this in here somewhere.

I'd like to believe that doubters doubt (and alligators alligate... sorry) because they look at you at a negative light. You're weak, you're fragile, you're too small, you're too big, too skinny, too fat, too slow, too timid, too aggressive, and so on. Believers on the other hand, look at you and see positive things. You are strong, you are a leader, you are inspiring, you are tall enough, you have this and that skills, etc. But it isn't as black and white as we would like to think.

Say someone said you are weak. You proved them wrong. What did you accomplished? You showed them that you are NOT weak. But did you show them that you are strong? Not at all times does it mean that since you are not weak, you are strong. If I may do some analogy with mathematics here; Not just because you are not a negative number means that you are a positive number. There is zero, which is neither positive or negative. Likewise, that is how I view this situation; there is always a middle ground. You just proven that you are not weak, but you have yet to prove that you are strong.

See, that is why I now prefer to prove people that believed me that they are right in believing in me. It may look and feel like the difference is nothing but semantics, but for me the difference of what it implies is significant.

Someone said you're too ugly to be a model? Don't prove them wrong.
Someone said you're beautiful and can be a model? Prove them correct.

They say you're too short to be a basketball player? Don't prove them wrong.
They say you have a future in basketball because you are fast and smart? Prove them correct.

People say that government officials are corrupt? Don't prove those people wrong.
People say that government officials can still provide sincere public service? Prove these people correct.

You've been constantly turned down by the girls you like? Don't vow that one day their decision to turn you down would be proven wrong.
Instead, vow that one day, you'll prove that the decision of the girl that finally loves you back is correct.


Might as well as end this one with a Simpsons reference. Homer could easily want to prove Mr. Burns wrong, but instead, he looks at it in a different way. A visual reference would be in order:

Playing in the Background:

"If you show you are weak, you've accepted defeat."
-A Call To Arms, Urbandub

"Alam natin ang tama, bakit di natin ginagawa?"
-Dapat Tama, Gloc 9

"Marami ang namamatay sa maling akala."
-Maling Akala, Eraserheads


"Ang aking lihim na pakay, ay ang lahat ng ito'y gawing tunay."
-Love Team, Itchyworms

Thinking Out Loud: Baby Names!

When I am doing nothing and just staring in the empty space, my mind wanders and thinks of various stuff. "How does my back look?" "Why is my heart beating so fast?" "What will I be eating tomorrow night?" "That flower doesn't look like a flower." "What would happen if it rained chocolate?" "That cloud looks like a dog with wings." "I'm sure there is a Gundam under the Sunken Garden." "What would I name my kids?"

..and then I sometimes stop at a certain question or statement and take a longer time thinking about it. Like say, "Why would I name my kids?"

Yes, I have already thought what to name my future babies.

Babies!

I would like to have a lot of kids, ideally six (but really, 4 to 8 would be fine). Three boys and three girls. Of course, all of this would happen, maybe 8-10 years in the future. Likewise, all of these would depend greatly on my future-wife-whoever-she-may-be. But hey, it wouldn't hurt to have a "thought exercise" like this every now and then. Plus, it's babies!

Babies!

Okay, so let's start! There would be three boys, and three girls. My first born would be a boy, then a girl, and the pattern continues until the 6th baby.

Babie...eh ain't they cute?

On Deck: UP and Basketball

I have been willing to write this entry for quite some time, but I always fail to do so. But after that heart-wrenching defeat by the UP Fighting Maroons against the UE Red Warriors earlier today, I decided to finally write it. I won't be talking about my support for the Maroons (I think I already did that in an earlier post), but rather, I'll talk about something else. However, do remember that I haven't done much research about the topic, something that I would really want to do given more ample time. If any of you would like to chime in or help, that would be very much welcome. Then, I shall make a more comprehensive post. If there are any mistakes, or misconceptions, feel free to bring it up in the comments. But for now, I would write this with what I know (granted, it may very well be not a hundred percent accurate). I just don't want to lose the idea that is in my mind right now.

Enough of that, what exactly are you going to be talking about?

I said this in a tweet a couple of weeks ago, and I think it captures perfectly what I would be talking about in this post. "The fact that UP is the only public school among the UAAP schools should never be understated." You most likely already know that, though it is not something that would be lingering in one's mind all the time. It is a fact that carries with it a lot of implications.

Rewind: A Hidden Sugarfree Gem

So a few weeks back, I was playing the Sugarfree Live! album on loop, and this certain song caught my attention. I was quickly hooked to the song, mainly due to Sir Jal's backup vocals at the near end of the song. Anyway, I looked for the lyrics of the song and it became an instant favorite.

This song came from Sugarfree's third album, Tala-Arawan. Me and my bro owns an original CD of said album since the year it came out, but it is only a few weeks back when I discovered this song. It is a very Sugarfree song, which for me is that "it has that "kurot sa puso" feel. It won't necessarily bring you to tears, but their is the feeling that somehow, the song speaks to you, and that it is exactly applicable to a moment in your life."

So without further ado, I present to you, Ikaw Pala.

Thinking Out Loud: What Day Is It Again?

Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present" 

No matter where you heard or read that quote, and you probably already had, it is quite true.

That being said, I'm not here to talk about that quote at all! I just want to talk about the days of the week, and what I personally think of them. I thought of writing this post when I am once again reminded of what my least favorite day of the week is. Let's start, shall we? :)

Monday - Yes, yes, I know, Monday is not technically the first day of the week. But we're not here for technicalities, right? Monday is fine by me, though I understand why most dislike Monday; it is after all, usually the first day of going to school and/or work. But that's just fine by me. I like going to school and work (I assume I would. I hope so). There is also the case of being in the company of your schoolmates and/or workmates. That is certainly a positive on most occasions.

Tuesday - Hey, the school / work week has just began, so I guess most are not even tired that much yet. Plus, if you are from UP (at least in most campuses), your school week may just actually be beginning. Personally, Tuesday is fun for me since for the past half decade, Tuesdays have been the day for the GA meetings of my organization, UP Tangway, and that is fun in itself. Not to mention that WWE's Monday Night Raw occurs every Tuesday here.

Hey, I'm a big pro-wrestling fan!                                                       

Wednesday - One word, manga. The so-called "Big Three" of manga comes out every Wednesday (technically, it is the translations, but you get the point). Not to mention that Wednesday is also PBA day. Wednesday is cool in my book simply for those reasons.

Plus, the mention of the Manga Big Three gives me an excuse to put this picture in.

Thursday - My least favorite day of the week hands down. Why? Lot's of reason actually. The week starts to get tiring at this point, it is almost Friday but not quite yet, there is nothing interesting on TV. The last point is actually interesting. I think my dislike for Thursday has roots in my childhood. See, I grew up during the time that anime dominated local TV, so much that there were anime from 4pm-6pm (before the nightly news), AND during the prime time(!). And if I remember correctly, those prime time animes were different for every day of the week (I remember Hell Teacher Nube for Mondays, and Vampire Hunter D for Wednesday). The anime that I like the least was usually on during Thursdays, so, I like Thursdays the least as well. Poor Thursday.

Friday - Ah! Fridays! Who doesn't like Fridays? PBA, Bubble Gang, end of the school/work week, honestly, do I even need to elaborate anymore?

Saturday - If there is one day to go out and enjoy the world, Saturdays would be it. Or you could spend the whole day having siesta. Or go out and watch a movie, or do household chores, or go shopping, or get a massage, or go on a food trip, or even just stay on bed all day. I love Saturdays. Why? I just do.

Sunday - Sundays are like..weird, in a sense. I still like Sundays. A day for retreat, for rest, for some more pampering. But at the same time, you know that happy days are ending (so to say), and that the week is about to start again. But me, personally, I look forward to Sundays, at the very least I get to play some basketball every Sundays.

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Playing on the Background:

Lying from You by Linkin Park:
"The very worst part of you is me."

Haruka Kanata by Asian Kung-fu Generation

Enter Sandman by Metallica:
"Exit light, enter night.."

Stan by Eminem:
"Stan, why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I didn't want you as a fan"

If You're Gone by Matchbox 20:
"There's a little bit of something in me, and everything in you."

From The Vault: Ano Nga Ba Ang Patinikan?

(ed. note: I have a thing for speeches and public speaking. So here, I am posting my opening remarks speech during the Patinikan 2012. Added some pictures to make it less text heavy. :D)


To our board of judges, to our guest speaker, to all my co-members in UP Tangway, to all the participants and their advisers, welcome to Patinikan 2012, and good morning.

"Bakit Patinikan?" That has been a question asked to me countless of times before. They ask, shouldn't it be, Panitikan? Taking a look at the archives of our organization, it shows that Patinikan started off mainly as an essay writing competition. Hence, Patinikan is indeed a play on the word Panitikan. Not to mention, Bataan is a province very familiar with fishes, making the name Patinikan appropriate. But then, I am asked yet another question, "Ano ang Patinikan?"

Patinikan is an inter-highschool set of competitions. But is that all there is to it?

I'd like to think that there is more to Patinikan. That it is more than just the usual academic competition. I look at Patinikan, and see it as a medium to carry out a message, and raise awareness on the different issues that are prevalent in our society today. Two years ago, we talked about the role of mass media in the government, last year it was about the drive of the Filipino students in learning, and this year is about the responsible use of technology. To put it shortly, Patinikan transcends being a competition and is now a medium for awareness, a medium for change.

Yes, this may all sound very idealistic. Yes, we are not that big of an organization, and yes, who knows if what I am saying right now makes any sense, at all. But this reminds me of a video that went viral on YouTube about two years ago. It is a video of Professor Winnie Monsod's last lecture for that semester, and in it, she mentioned a quote. The quote was, "I am only one, but I am one. I can not do everything, but I can do something." Patinikan is our something. And if we each do our something, if we each do our part, then that moves us closer to achieving our everything. It would take all of our collective effort to achieve that everything, and it would be hard. It would not be easy, it isn't easy at all, and frankly, we shouldn't expect it to become easy. But then again, that nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

Again, a good day, and may we have a very memorable Patinikan ahead. Thank you. :)

Thinking Out Loud: Endings and Thoughts About It.

First, a quote from my favorite tv series, Scrubs.

Endings are never easy. I always build them up so much in my head that they can’t possibly live up to my expectations and I just end up disappointed. I’m not even sure why it matters to me so much how things end. I guess it’s because we all want to believe that what we do is very important. That people hang on to our every word, that they care what we think. The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone, feel a little better. As my mind drifted to faces I’ve seen before, I was taken to memories of family, of coworkers, of lost loves… even of those who have left us. And as I rounded that corner they all came at me in a wave of shared experience. And even though it felt warm and safe, I knew it had to end. It’s never good to live in the past too long. The future can be whatever I want it to be. And who’s to say this isn’t what happens? Who can tell me that my fantasies won’t come true, just this once?

I'll just cut to the chase: I somehow, someway, suck at endings. I don't think there ever was an ending in any part of my life which did not leave me disappointed. Be it my high school graduation, my last moments in my provincial organization, or my college's recognition rites. After each and every one of it, I end up with a feeling that somehow resembles disappointment.

At first, I thought it was because, like what the quote above said, I build up these endings so much in my head that they can not possibly live up to what I have envisioned them to be. You know what they usually say, "Don't expect, because it'll only get you disappointed." The usual.

So recently, I tried to change my mind set, my approach to these 'endings'. I lowered my expectations, and heck, even attempted to not expect anything at all. I didn't think of any situation, I didn't make up any sequence of events and the like.

But recently I realized that wasn't the case. I still felt bad, and instead of disappointment, I think what I was feeling the whole time was emptiness. There was no emotion, at all. It seems like at every ending I encounter,  I have no emotional attachment to these things that are ending, or maybe more specifically, to the persons involved in whatever was ending. I used to think that no one cares for me, even if I care so much. But now, I feel like it is me who has a problem with caring. I feel like I care too much just for myself.

One more thought. When I looked at my friends feeling the moment of the recognition rites while I was just standing there, a thought popped into my mind. Could it be that the reason why I don't feel any of these endings is that because, there are no endings for me. What do I mean by that? Actually, two things.

First, and the darker thought among the two: There are no endings for me because there weren't anything to end to begin with. To put more detail into it, most people get all these emotions from the ties that they have built with whatever is ending; the institution and more specially the people connected with it. Emotions are on a high because of the bond that they have forged with their friends. How can I feel any of those emotions during endings, if there are no bonds in the first place?

Second, and a much more positive outlook: There are no endings for me because, a part of me, believes that this is not the end yet. So why would I get all emotional when deep inside my mind, even if I am not fully aware of it, I honestly believe that this is not yet the end. Yes, sure, things would change. But they always do.  And maybe, just maybe, the thought that things are always changing makes me believe that things wouldn't end just because there would be changes. Since I believe that things aren't ending yet, there is no ending for me then, and thus, none much of these emotions during such instances.

So which of the two would I prefer to believe at? Well definitely the second one! I guess it is counterproductive to believe at the first one, because really, what would one get from thinking in such a way?

Anyway, sorry for this negative post / rant. I just really needed to get that off of my chest. This is the fifth night that I would be spending all by myself, and trust me, it sucks. I never really felt the sting of truly being alone until yesterday, when I was sick and all, and yet I was all alone. Sucks I know, but hey, you know what they say. Nowhere to go but up!

- - - - - - - - - -

Playing on the Background:

Halik by Kamikazee:
"Pagnawala dun lang mamimiss.."

Mariposa by Sugarfree:
"Ayoko ng mag-isa, ayoko ng mag-isa, ayoko na na na na..."

Rewind: Shooting in Diliman

I'm pretty sure that we all have at one point in our lives experienced seeing in TV a place that we are familiar to. It may be our hometown, or a place that we always go to, be it your school, work place, or just a place where you often times hang out. I, for one, gets all giddy whenever I see my school, UP Diliman, on TV, be it the news, or a commercial, or as the setting for a movie or a teleserye (ehem Ina Anak Kapatid, anyone?)

Hello UP!

For this entry, I decided to compile music videos by OPM artists that were shot in the campus. So without further ado, let's start this one after the jump!

Thinking Out Loud: What's Next?

Now that I am to graduate college in a few days (please no jinx!), I am about to enter a new part of my life. So the question arises:

What's next?

But before all of that, I would like to take a look back at the persons, groups, organizations, and institutions that was with me in this six year journey. I'd like to focus on them on separate posts, so, that is "What's next".

At first glance, It looks like I would be making at least three posts. Stay tuned. :D

The Podium: Approaching the Ring!

I am a big fan of the World Wrestling Entertainment, or WWE. While many of you might be saying right now how wrestling in the WWE is fake, rigged, or scripted, I won't argue otherwise. WWE isn't supposed to be a sport, it is supposed to be entertainment, along the lines of American Series, Soap Operas, and the like. You watch it for the story, for the entertainment value, for fun. I've been a fan since they were known as the WWF, until the pandas came.

Steel chair! Steel chair! STEEL CHAIR!

One of the main components for the entertainment side of the WWE are the wrestler entrances. It helps greatly in giving a wrestler his character, as well as to induce reaction from the crowd. The best wrestlers often have the most memorable entrances. For this entry, I'll be listing my top 10 favorite WWE entrances. It would be very hard to rate them in any kind of order, so I shall list them in no particular order. I determined this mostly on everything a wrestler does during his entrance; the music, the pyro, the video on the titantron, and everything else. Let's begin this countdown right after the jump! :)

Shutter: Browsing through Pictures, through Memories.

So i was skimming through pictures in my laptop, old and new pictures alike. I decided to post some of them in here, together with some description about them. It really is fun to reminisce sometime, isn't it?

Anyhow, here are the pictures. This would be a rather long entry, so there would be more pictures after the jump. If ever you are in any of these pictures, would be great if you comment down below what your memories are of those pictures. :)

And here we go!

Family first, right? This picture was taken in December of 2011. My tita and cousins from the state went home after..I don't know, 7 years? Though we were missing two cousins, and we really really miss them, it still felt great. Wonder when we would be complete again?

This one was during a Christmas Party in our old home in Makatarungan (MK). It was my home for almost four years, the first four years, of my college life. Endless memories were made within the walls of that home. And seriously, ang papayat pa natin diyan!

This one is after Patinikan 2010, taken in Early March of 2010 in front of the College of Law. Those in black (and red, and green) were us Tangwayers, as we assisted students from Bataan in the contest. Those in uniform were students from Tomas Del Rosario College, with two of them becoming future Tangwayers. Really cool.

(more pictures after the jump!)

On Deck: Sports Thoughts - April 15-21

Just some thoughts about sports for the past few days. :)

Petron Blaze Boosters

So Petron had two games this past three days, against the same team, but with different results. They locked horns with Talk N Text last Wednesday and last night, winning the former and losing the latter. It does sting however as last night was the first game of their best of 3 quarter finals match up. While there may be some questionable calls, specially in the 4th quarter, Petron had their chances, and sadly, they did not capitalize on it, both on the offensive and defensive ends of the court. TNT just made fastbreak plays one after the other. Some luck also helped TNT's cause (hello that Fonacier three?), but then again, Petron had more than their fair share of chances (Tubid losing control of the ball on a fastbreak attempt, Sims losing the ball to RDO).

That being said, at least it has shown that Petron can definitely match up and beat Talk N Text, even if they have to do it twice in a row. They do however, need to play with the same intensity all 48 minutes of the game. With the way that that Talk N Text capitalizes on mistakes and turnovers and turns them into fastbreak points, Petron cannot afford to have unforced mistakes.

On the bright side, boy oh boy, this guy is really making a big fan of me.

June Mar-freaking-Fajardo. Boy got some moves down low. Amazing footwork, with a touch around the perimeter, and an improving defense and passing. Would love to see him reach his full potential. Would be good for the national team, first and foremost, and for Petron as well. It is plenty obvious that him, and Marcio Lassiter would be the future cornerstones of this franchise.

New York Yankees

The Yankees went 4-1 from Monday to today, losing only yesterday in an extra inning affair against the Diamondbacks. The starting pitching is starting to sort itself out, most of the bullpen is returning to their lockdown mode, and the bats are coming alive, at least against right handed pitchers. The line-up they had yesterday was just painful to watch. Can't wait to have the injured players to return. The team would be crazy deep once that happens.

Speaking of injuries and depth, it is sad to know that the Captain, Derek Jeter, would be out until the All-Star Break. Infield depth is really taking a beating now. Nunez would probably be able to provide replacement level value at short, but with injuries an always lingering issue, it is kind of unsettling that the next on the depth chart is Jayson Nix. Nothing against Nix, but if the Yanks aim to compete for the title this year, they would ideally have more depth. It's not like they have any infield depth in the minors as well. They don't need All-Stars or MVP type players in every position, but they would need someone who would be able to contribute something significant, either with the bat or the glove.

And since I have already mentioned the MVP, I am standing by my prediction that Robinson Cano would win the AL MVP this year, en route to his $200M contract.

Look at that swing, LOOK AT IT!

Coming Up:

Petron goes up against TNT for Game 2 of the Quarterfinals, a win-or-go home game for Petron.

Yankees play the Blue Jays for the 2nd game of their series in Toronto. #HIROK would be starting for the Bronx Bombers.

Real Madrid goes up against Betis early Sunday morning here.

The Chicago Bulls open their 2013 NBA play-offs on the road. They match up against the Brooklyn Nets in this first round 7 game series.

The Bahrain Grand Prix is tomorrow. Practice 1 and 2 were done yesterday, with practice 3 and qualifiers later today. Let's hope Ferrari gets the pole position and races upfront until the checkered flag.

A Super Sports Sunday for me, as all my five sports team are with games. Let's see if I can go five for five.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Playing on the background:

Bright Lights by Matchbox Twenty
"When all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?"

All My Life by K-Ci and JoJo
"All my life, I've prayed for someone like you."

Rewind: After all this time, The Itchyworms are still really good.

We first heard it during this year's UP Fair. Itchyworms performed this song live before it was even released in the market. And in that instant, we became big fans of the song, and we're just again amazed at the amazing song writing talent and performance by the band.

It wasn't the usual Itchyworms though, not the light hearted kind of song like Akin Ka Na Lang, or the "pang-inuman" song like Beer. It was more mellow, but that is totally fine with me. Change is sometimes good, and in this instance, excellent.

It also helps that it is one heck of a music video. Don't tell me that that song, together with the video, didn't even pull a bit of your heart strings. Just a perfectly suited MTV for the song.

This really is a perfect example on why I love OPM. I think it is no coincidence that after this fair, me and my brother seemed to have regained our interest in our OPM collection. See, we (well, mostly him) buy original CDs of OPM artists, as we are really big fans of OPM and we believe that that is the least that we could do to help the industry. Plus, for a collection, a library of OPM albums ain't half bad, right?

So there you go, after all this time, Itchyworms definitely still has it. Have been a fan since their Antipara days, and looks like it is going to stay like that for a long long time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

As a new part of every post in here, I'll be sharing what is playing in the background while writing my entries, coupled with a line or two from the song/s. It is very rare that I write anything while not listening to music. Obviously for this entry, I was listening to the aforementioned Itchyworms' song, After All This Time. So let me leave you with a line from the song. 'Till next time, thanks for reading The Bakit List!

" 'Cause whatever I do, it's no good without you."

Lines Quotes Shows

So I decided to search the vast world of the internet to find some of the lines and quotes from two of my favorite TV shows of all times, Scrubs and How I Met Your Mother. Below are some (well, most) of them, with a commentary every now and then. :)

"You see, everyone's got some baggage-- it's part of life-- but like anything else, it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it."

“I usually don’t like thinking about the future. I mean let’s face it, you can’t predict what’s going to happen. But sometimes, the thing you didn’t expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you’re going and just enjoy where you’re at.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, everytime you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it. ”

“I don’t think people are meant to be by themselves. That’s why if you find someone you actually care about, it’s important to let go of the little things. Even if you can’t let go all the way. Because nothing sucks more than being all alone. No matter how many people are around.”

“I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You’d never know it, but there’s most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way. Maybe because you’re feeling abandoned. Maybe because you realize that you aren’t as self-sufficient as you thought. Maybe because you know you should’ve handled something differently. Or maybe because you aren’t as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity…Or you can suck it up. It’s your call.”

"It’s a mystery how one woman can drive you crazy over and over again, while another can bring you right back down to earth. In the end you have to trust that the perfect woman will always lead you in the right direction.”

"Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is while I’m sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are!”

"Bottom line: it’s couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down."

“Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy”

"Who the hell cares what anybody else thinks? Just look into your heart, and do whatever the hell makes you happy."

“But anyway, I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, but I promise I will try to show you for the rest of my life. I love you"

“It’s funny how a seemingly insignificant event can set everything else in motion. And insignificant events can lead to significant events. The most minor event — even a butterfly flapping its wings — can change everything. Sometimes for the better. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at first. Of course, it still doesn’t always work out the way you’d hope. In the end, you learn to treasure the times when things go your way. And be there for the ones you love when they don’t. And most importantly, you learn to accept that some things are out of your hands. But still, with so much of life left up to chance, you can’t help but look back and wonder…. What if things had been different…?”

“I don’t love her, I just miss her when she’s not around, I think about her all the time and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I’m wearing a brown suede vest.”

"...when I go a day without talking to you… that day’s just no good.”

“Sometimes you’d fall for someone you’d never expect, but that doesn’t make it wrong. Doesn’t everyone deserve to be happy?"

"When you meet the right person, you know it. You can’t stop thinking about them. They are your best friend, and your soulmate. You can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare.”

“Kids, you can’t talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn’t take days of deliberation. When it’s real, you’ll know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.”

"The reason that I call is to tell you how I feel about you. I know we didn´t work out the first time, and I know it doesn´t make any sense but I can´t shake this feeling that we belong together. Is there any part of you that still wants to try again?"

“I used to believe in destiny, you know? I’d go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that’s been stuck in my head all week, and I’d think, “Wow, hey, maybe she’s the one?!” And now I think “I just know that bitch is gonna take the last whole-wheat everything bagel. No, it’s more than that. I’ve stopped believing. Not in some depressed, “I’m gonna cry during my toast” way, not in a way I even noticed until tonight, it’s just everyday I think I believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks.”

Jerry Whitaker: You got to meet the right girl. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.
Barney Stinson: Maybe I've met her already. 

“If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing… Timing.. But, timing’s a bitch.”

“When I have kids and I tell them how I met their mother I’m gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story.”

“If you’re not scared then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance then what the hell are you doing anyway?”

 "Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted? Isn't it time to make your own destiny?"

"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead."

"I’m crazy about you. And I want you to know if I had the choice of hanging out with anyone in the entire world or sitting at home with you eating pizza watching a crappy TV show, I’d choose you every time.”

 "...there's only one thing that I see, and I see her brighter and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That’s love."

And one last quote, a quote that sums it all perfectly...

”...this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to. And there have been times when I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times. But I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly and irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows. “

He's Baaaack!

Bakit ang tagal kong nawala?

Sorry for being out for so long! Been doing so many academics and org related stuff for the last month or so. But now, I think I need to detox a bit, and what better way than writing?

Yes, no better way than writing!

(Well, maybe except for a few things like an all-night party, or a weekend in Boracay or Palawan, or a bucket full of bacons.)

So anyway, back to blogging! As you can see, I've got a video of the song Linger up there. So before we get unto that, just some administrative matters first! :D

1.)  I'm writing a mini-running-story about..well..stuff. :) Hopefully I can post them here regularly.

2.) Elections are fast approaching! I'd like to write something about that too! And speaking of elections...

3.) Our organization, UP Tangway, is going to have an intra-org freedom writing contest, about the topic Love AND Election. I joined both the essay and poem categories. And of course, I'll post it here. There is a limit of one entry per person per category, but I think I'm going to write more than one, so I'll just post here those other entries that I won't be passing.

Okay! Now that is over, let's go on to the real post. :)

Bakit nagtatagal ang pagtingin na matagal ng nahihimbing?

For a long long time, in excess of 30 months to be more specific, I've had a crush (and just a crush) on this one girl. I didn't know her name, all I remember was her face, what she wore that day, how she walked, how she talked, and how her voice sounded. I continued to see her, be it personally or in pictures as the months pass. Eventually, by chance, I got to know her name, though I never really got the chance to interact with her.

Up until now, she remains to be the biggest crush of my life. It just makes me wonder why my "feelings" stayed as such for the past 2 and a half years. Could it be because she is still mysterious from my point of view? Is it because I haven't seen nor met anyone that could top her? Or is it because it is now transcending towards a point much deeper than a crush?

Honestly, I don't know. Honestly, I'm excited to know. And honestly, I have a bias towards a particular answer. And all the while I am writing this, I can just feel the excitement within me.

Or at least I'd like to think of it as excitement, and not fear. I may very well be just as scared to know the answers to my questions.

Why would you have to let it linger?