From The Vault:

Bakit ka pa mag gi-girlfriend, kung magbre-break lang din kayo?

I wrote this six years ago, and due to that, the title of this article is long lost. Interesting to look back at how my mind worked six years ago. So many have changed, yet a lot are still the same.

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It is no secret to anyone that I am a fool when it comes to love. It is also no surprise to anyone that I am single since birth. Not that I am complaining but still, I can’t escape questions from friends and families alike on why I am still single. I don’t know if this is normal or not, but, if ever I finally get to have a girlfriend, I want her to be the first and only girlfriend that I will ever have. I want her to be the one I would walk the aisle with. I want her to be the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But everyday knowledge would tell me otherwise.

Just think, how many married couples do you know would fit what is stated above? Personally, I don’t know of any. Plus we hear a lot of people say, “Masyado ka namang seryoso! enjoy mo lang”, or “Masyado ka pang bata”.

Now, that last statement is what I don’t understand the most. In my mind I am thinking, “Bakit ka pa mag gigirlfriend, kung maghihiwalay lang din pala kayo?” I mean, sure, the odds are that you would one day, face problems, deal with trials, and you and your girlfriend/boyfriend might not be able to sort things out and just decide to go on separate ways. BUT, shouldn’t that be some sort of warning? Getting in a relationship and facing problems, one should already be aware of that and be prepared about it. If you really love that person, then why give up? What is the sense of being in a relationship when you expect that it would end up in the two of you breaking up?

Some may say, “Akala ko kasi, ‘siya’ na.hindi pa pala”. Now, then my answer to that is, “Paano mo nalaman na hindi nga siya iyon?”

Just think of this situation; when someone comes into your life, and you love him/her, you would say “Siya na. Sa wakas dumating na ‘siya’”. But when the two of you break up, or hurt each other, more often than not, you would say “Hindi pa pala siya.”

You would say that over and over and over again, until you finally get married and finally say that your wife/husband is the one. But how sure can you be? Because you are together? Because you got married to each other? What if the two of you get divorced? Then he/she isn’t the one? How could you say that you have finally found him/her when you can so easily say that someone isn’t him/her just because things didn’t worked out? Don’t you think that that person could arrive in a less literal way? For that person to arrive to your life, it could be as simple as really loving that person, living your life with that person, understanding that person, coping up with his/her short comings, weathering the storm, suffering all the sufferings and still come out standing and smiling, and, just having trust and faith, not only to him/her, but also to Him.

Then again, people might say, “Bata ka pa, hindi mo pa alam sinasabi mo”, and I just won’t accept that. Sure, I never ever had a girlfriend before, but does that mean that I don’t have knowledge about those things? I never got into a relationship before, but I had experienced a lot of painful rejections, and each and every time, I learned something. Yes, I know that the odds are very small that your first and only girlfriend/boyfriend would be your partner for life. All the times that you would tell yourself, “Mahal ko pa ba siya?” and how many times you get to say yes, rather than say no, until the time that both of you would say the most significant ‘yes’ in your lives. Science, math, and the numbers are just all against me, but then again, science tells us that emotions are from the brain, and right they are, but why do people still insists on drawing hearts as a symbolism of love?

Maybe, just maybe, if a couple just really love each other, they might just beat the odds, and live happily ever after. But then again, I might just be saying this because I never had one. Still, when the time comes, I hope that what I had stated above would happen, and you can bet that I would do all I could to make it happen.

Thinking Out Loud: Proving Grounds

Why do you want to prove them wrong?

 It probably is a universal human experience; being doubted that is. I'm sure you all have experienced someone not believing in you. Someone thinking you could not achieve or do whatever it is that you aspire to do. Someone who does not have any faith in you doing anything, in you amounting to anything. And usually they end it with a condescending laugh.

..and they point at you. POINT AT YOU DAMN IT!

The usual response to such situations? Why of course we want to prove them wrong! Prove 'em all doubters wrong and make them eat there words. We do what we can, focus our time and energy and skills to achieve and do whatever we are told we cannot do. Can't pass the exam? Oh sure I can. You won't get accepted in the varsity team? The hell I would be! You can't achieve your dreams of being a big shot blogger with a three story home and a personal air conditioned bus? You can bet I can!

We would do almost absolutely anything just to make sure we can one day achieve what they have deemed as impossible, and for us to shove it, implicitly or otherwise, it to their faces. All the while our inner selves are applauding ourselves for an excellent job.

Are you sensing a trend here?

But what if I tell you that i've been thinking about this the past few days (yes of course you've been, jeez) and I came up with something. Here me out here now. How about, instead of proving your doubters wrong, you instead prove your believers correct?

Now don't give me that face. I know it sounds like the exact same thing just viewed in a different light. But that exactly is what I was going for. A change in the way you view things could, and would, have a very significant difference. I'm also not saying that those two are mutually exclusive. Others might be saying right now "Well duh, ofcourse when you prove your doubters wrong, you are proving your believers correct at the same time. It ain't rocket science dude!", to which I respectfully disagree. There IS a difference. Let me expound on this.

You know I just have to put this in here somewhere.

I'd like to believe that doubters doubt (and alligators alligate... sorry) because they look at you at a negative light. You're weak, you're fragile, you're too small, you're too big, too skinny, too fat, too slow, too timid, too aggressive, and so on. Believers on the other hand, look at you and see positive things. You are strong, you are a leader, you are inspiring, you are tall enough, you have this and that skills, etc. But it isn't as black and white as we would like to think.

Say someone said you are weak. You proved them wrong. What did you accomplished? You showed them that you are NOT weak. But did you show them that you are strong? Not at all times does it mean that since you are not weak, you are strong. If I may do some analogy with mathematics here; Not just because you are not a negative number means that you are a positive number. There is zero, which is neither positive or negative. Likewise, that is how I view this situation; there is always a middle ground. You just proven that you are not weak, but you have yet to prove that you are strong.

See, that is why I now prefer to prove people that believed me that they are right in believing in me. It may look and feel like the difference is nothing but semantics, but for me the difference of what it implies is significant.

Someone said you're too ugly to be a model? Don't prove them wrong.
Someone said you're beautiful and can be a model? Prove them correct.

They say you're too short to be a basketball player? Don't prove them wrong.
They say you have a future in basketball because you are fast and smart? Prove them correct.

People say that government officials are corrupt? Don't prove those people wrong.
People say that government officials can still provide sincere public service? Prove these people correct.

You've been constantly turned down by the girls you like? Don't vow that one day their decision to turn you down would be proven wrong.
Instead, vow that one day, you'll prove that the decision of the girl that finally loves you back is correct.


Might as well as end this one with a Simpsons reference. Homer could easily want to prove Mr. Burns wrong, but instead, he looks at it in a different way. A visual reference would be in order:

Playing in the Background:

"If you show you are weak, you've accepted defeat."
-A Call To Arms, Urbandub

"Alam natin ang tama, bakit di natin ginagawa?"
-Dapat Tama, Gloc 9

"Marami ang namamatay sa maling akala."
-Maling Akala, Eraserheads


"Ang aking lihim na pakay, ay ang lahat ng ito'y gawing tunay."
-Love Team, Itchyworms