“Trolli”
“The easiest way to lose
something is to want it too badly”
He only wanted the best for her.
He only wanted to be there for
her.
He only wanted to make her smile.
Now, he only wants to even just
be able to say hi.
“This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time.”
Everything started out without
the slightest hint of what is to come. He looked at her as if he was looking at
ice. He thought nothing of their first meeting. Business as usual as they can
come. He gave her instructions, she gave him reports. He sent her a message,
she replied with one. Just the typical day-to-day interactions.
But as days turned to weeks, so
did things changed unbeknown to both of them. He gave her reminders, she
responded with stories. He sent her more messages, she replied to each one. The
smiles turned genuine, and the laughter started to come. And as he saw them shining
in the dark power-deprived room, he wasn’t looking at ice anymore, he was
looking at her eyes. He was looking at her eyes as if they were diamond stars
on the night sky. Gleaming with the warm light of comfort, hope, and sweetness,
his heart frozen in time was being thawed, hidden to all.
Words became sentences, minutes
became hours, secrets became nothing between them. He pushed her forward, she
pulled him up. A friendship that will pass through all hardships, a connection
that shall beat time, and a bond as real as any. They were there for each other…
…even if they weren’t supposed to
be.
“So you sailed away, into the gray sky morning.”
Things ended, but not in the way
he wanted it to, not in the way any of them wanted to. His lasting memory of
her was him was gazing into her eyes, an image now entrenched into the deepest
parts of his soul. Things got out of hand, and everything just came crashing
down. He only wanted to make her smile, but it was too late when he realized he
was actually causing her pain. He only
wanted to be there for her, but he never really became who she wanted him to
be. He only wanted the best for her, but in the process, he stopped being good
to her. It’s too late when he realized that the eyes have turned into ice.
“Sometimes, in our quest to be
the best, we forget to be good.”
He wanted to be everything to
her, now he is all but nothing – nothing more to her but a spectre of a painful
past. And he’s got no one to blame but himself for how things unfolded. Surely
this is not what he intended to have happened, but it is what it is. In his
quest of wanting to be the best for her, he forgot to be good to her, and even to
himself. He forgot about the things that crafted their bond to begin with. He
forgot what made him a pillar of strength to her, and instead became a towering
mass of rock that did nothing but burden her. He failed to fill himself with
love first, and instead started spewing out toxic fumes that started to choke
her out. The connection had to be severed, lest things become even worse, and
only then did he realized what he has done. He has hurt the one person he vowed
to never hurt, and he’s got no one but himself to fault for it.
While he is at peace – or as much
as he could be – with how things have worked out, he can’t help but wish and
hope and pray, that one day, he’d be able to say hi again. For them to share a
few laughs every now and then. For him to see her smile back at him just like
back then. Or even to just be able to say hi. Yes, that would be more than
enough for him. To be able to say hi.
As all that he can do now is
sigh.
